Why Do Our Souls Choose Hard Things?

A couple weeks ago I went back to visit the university I attended for undergrad. It was the first time I was able to really sit with the complexity of those years: the fun times when I felt part of something, when I felt safe and connected, and the times when I felt lost, in pain, and like I didn’t belong.

I went with close friends from college, and together we relived so many memories, including the reasons each of us chose that school. As we talked, I was brought back to the moment I first stepped foot on campus when I visiting as a high schooler. I remember this deep feeling in my body, like a peaceful settling. A knowing. This is where I’m meant to be. I knew in that moment I wanted to go to college there.

But I didn’t make that choice right away. I actually hesitated to follow my gut. The school was Catholic, and as a newly out teenager, I wasn’t sure it was the right environment for me. I had concerns, valid ones, about how I’d be received. But that deep inner knowing didn’t go away. In the end, I chose to go despite the doubts. Looking back, I realize now that I was listening to my soul.

Since graduating, I’ve spent years wondering how different my life might’ve been if I hadn’t chosen that school—one that worsened my religious trauma, made me feel othered, and left me with so much pain and shame. I’ve always held the other side too: the awareness that this choice brought me people and experiences that shaped who I am today. But the question has lingered. Who would I be and what would my life look like if I hadn’t gone there?

Revisiting that moment of deep knowing helped me pause. For the first time, I was able to really take in that this school was part of my path. There was no mistake. And for the first time, I stopped spinning in the “what ifs.”

Instead, a new question emerged. Why would my soul choose something that led to so much pain? What was the purpose of the challenges I went through there?

Those questions have stayed with me. And not just about college, but about many of the hard times in my life. And especially now, as I witness people I love going through their own painful things, I find myself returning to it in a deeper way.

Why do our souls choose hard things?

I had some ideas, but I wanted to hear it from a deeper place. So I opened my Akashic Records, and I did something I rarely do. I opened the Records of the collective as well. I wanted to understand something my human self was struggling to make sense of.

What I received was clarity about why I had certain experiences during that time in my life. I could see the ripple effects. For example, if my very first therapy session hadn’t been so deeply harmful, where a religious therapist made me feel shame about my sexuality, would I have been called to become a therapist and healer for others in my community? A community that far too often has had similar, painful experiences?

As I sat with that, I zoomed out even further, beyond just my own story.

What came through from the record keepers was this: our soul doesn’t see things the way we do. It doesn’t label experiences as good or bad, hard or easy. Our soul, and the guides who support us, are interested in what helps us grow, what deepens our learning, and what expands our capacity to feel compassion, to live empowered, and to love deeply.

They showed me life like a video game. Our soul isn’t trying to get from start to finish as quickly or painlessly as possible. That would be boring. Our soul wants to explore. To collect tools, skills, and knowledge. To meet people. To learn. To feel. To experience.

Some of those experiences are not fun, easy, or pleasant. And that doesn’t mean we’re being punished. It may simply mean that those moments held meaning for our soul—lessons, connections, awakenings, and even redirections toward something we couldn’t yet see.

Just like in a video game, we go through challenges. We face hard things. And we often complete side quests along the way that prepare us for what’s next. Life is the same. It’s all connected.

I also heard something else clearly in the Records: this idea of "golden nuggets" hidden within dark times. Wisdom, lessons, connections, strength. They're there. But when we’re in survival mode, we can’t always see them. We’re just trying to get through.

And that’s okay. That’s part of it too.

But the angels and guides gently asked, Can you find the golden nuggets that are happening now? It’s not always possible. We won’t always see them right away. But sometimes we can. And when we do, it can soften the pain. It can bring in purpose. It can add a little light.

This visit to my old campus reminded me of all of it—the laughter, the friendships, the beauty and the pain. I’m learning that both can be true. That all of it shaped me. And that maybe, just maybe, my soul knew what it was doing all along.

If you’re going through something hard right now, I hope this message reminds you that your pain doesn’t mean you’re lost or broken. Maybe your soul chose this moment not because it’s easy, but because it’s part of something meaningful.

If you're feeling called to explore the deeper meaning of your own path, or if you're curious what your soul’s Records might reveal, I’d be honored to hold space with you.