Trans representation in media is still limited, so I was excited when I heard about the documentary Will & Harper. I was curious how their friendship would evolve as Harper revealed more of her true self. There’s something so powerful about growing together as friends and making space to be fully seen.
I wasn’t entirely sure what to expect but figured it would make me feel a lot, so I invited a close friend who's been with me on my own gender journey to watch it with me. After the documentary, we sat in silence for a moment. I didn’t know how to put my feelings into words. The film had so many moments that deeply resonated with me, but some were also painful.
The scene where Harper talks about the hateful tweets she received hit me hard. It brought me back to the first time I posted about my gender in a more public and vulnerable way on social media. Harper says, “when you’re trans, you ingest a lot of that shit, and it sits in your head.” That line struck me—it’s true.
As a queer, gender-fluid person, I’ve experienced negativity before, but something about it being on social media, where people are bolder behind screens, made it feel like a new challenge. Those hateful words stayed with me for days.
When you're constantly receiving negative messages about who you are, it's easy to start believing them. You might begin to feel you're worth less and allow others, or even yourself, to treat you that way.
It can be hard not to absorb all that negativity. Safe spaces and supportive people are essential. They show you what true acceptance and unconditional love feel like. I’ve been fortunate to find this in my adult life—it’s been like a breath of fresh air when I’ve felt like I was drowning.
Another part of the messaging we receive as oppressed people is that we are to blame. When you're part of more than one oppressed group, it can be even more challenging to feel like you aren't the problem. You can be blamed for things beyond your control, that aren't your fault, and even for the hurt caused by others' unfair treatment towards you.
Staying grounded in the storm of negativity is difficult. It’s easy to invalidate yourself and question whether your anger is justified. Am I overreacting? These thoughts can creep in.
For example, when I posted a video about being misgendered and how it impacts me, people were quick to blame me, saying I should expect being misgendered and that I was selfish for wanting others not to assume my gender. After enough comments like that, I began to wonder if I was wrong to be upset.
But then I sought out people and resources within the LGBTQIA2S+ community, especially the trans community. I realized I wasn’t overreacting. I wasn’t to blame for a society that assumes people’s gender and doesn’t make space for non-binary or trans people like it does for cisgender folks. I had a right to be upset and to speak up.
The song The Village by Wrabel sums up what I needed to remember, and what I hope others do in moments like this:
"There's nothing wrong with you
It's true, it's true
There's something wrong with the village."
The truth is, you are not the problem. The problem is a society that refuses to treat you as equal and instead tries to keep you down. You are beautiful as you are, and there are people who will love you for the parts of yourself that society tries to shame.
Shame is powerful. It can tear you down. But the antidote is love, vulnerability, compassion, and being fully seen by someone. That’s what moved me about Will and Harper. Will created a space where Harper could finally show who she really is, and that safety allowed Will to be vulnerable too. Unfortunately, Harper won’t be accepted and loved everywhere, but I imagine the impact of knowing she has people who love her unconditionally was most likely transformative.
There is so much joy in embracing our true selves. While it can feel daunting to reveal those parts of ourselves—especially for safety reasons—finding spaces and people who share in that joy is essential. Healing through connection plays a vital role in overcoming our fears, fostering a sense of safety, and fully embracing our authentic selves.
If you’re feeling lost or overwhelmed, I invite you to seek out your own community or safe spaces where you can express your authentic self. As an intuitive life coach, I'm here to help you navigate these feelings and provide support if you need.
Remember that you deserve love, acceptance, and understanding. You are not alone in this. Let's continue to uplift each other and fight for a world where everyone can live their truth.
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