In today’s world we are constantly comparing ourselves to others and looking to other people to tell us if what we are doing is okay, and even if who we are is okay. Just look at social media. We post pictures and videos in hopes that people will like it or share it with others. We see who has viewed our stories - wondering who cares enough to pay attention to us. This external focus of our own worth is so common. And while it’s human nature to compare ourselves to others, the weight we are giving the comparison very well may be causing us to feel anxious, depressed, and not good enough.
So how do we fix this? By turning inward and reconnecting with ourselves.
We all have what’s called intuition. It’s our own guiding light - a way for us to determine what is best for our well-being and our life. What happens when we focus on what everyone else thinks, wants, and needs instead, we lose sight of what we need and what is best for ourselves. This can lead to a silencing and disconnection from the intuition you already possess.
To reconnect with ourselves often involves a quieting of outside influences so we can hear our own thoughts and experience our feelings. So what does this actually look like? Listed below are some ways you can try reconnecting with yourself. If you haven’t spent time being with yourself without outside distractions or noise, these strategies could be uncomfortable at first. But with time, it can get easier.
Spend time alone in silence or in a quiet place. The first thing people think about usually when we talk about spending time in silence, is meditation. This can definitely be helpful but sitting in silence could involve other ways of doing this, such as sitting alone at home with a cup of coffee or tea, or going to the park and sitting on a bench.
Engage in some form of mindfulness. Mindfulness is about being in the present moment and being with what is without judgment. And when you notice your thoughts or attention wandering off onto another topic than what is happening in the here and now, notice and bring yourself back to the present moment. It can be a lot harder than it sounds at first. There are many ways to engage in mindfulness. An example is going for a mindful walk where you notice all you’re seeing, hearing, and feeling. If your thoughts wander to other things such as your to-do list for the day, past regrets, or feelings about the future, notice this and bring yourself back to where you are in the moment.
Journal. Let your thoughts and emotions come out through writing. Try not to judge what you are writing. By letting things flow freely onto the page you might be surprised with what you discover about what’s going on inside you.
Another important part of reconnecting with ourselves is reconnecting with our body. A lot of us have become disconnected from our bodies for a number of reasons, which is problematic because our body is one of the main sources of knowing what we want and need. Our body also holds a lot of wisdom, including how to heal ourselves.
What are some signs your body is telling you there is something you want or need, or letting you know when something might be right or wrong for you? Think about when you are hungry, thirsty, or tired. Your body most likely has signals you notice, such as when you are hungry your stomach might make a noise. When you are thirsty your throat might feel dry. When you are tired you might notice irritability or your eyelids feeling heavy. Our body does a great job with telling us what we need at any given moment, but our focus on others and getting their approval has led to a disconnection from our body and its signals.
When we can reconnect with ourselves and our intuition, we start to live a life that is best for us - often leading to increased wellness, happiness, and inner peace. Letting go of other people’s approval or our need for their validation to tell us we are good enough can be especially freeing. This allows us to find our own validation and acceptance within ourselves, which leads to greater self-esteem, self-love, and self-compassion.
If you’re having difficulties with connecting with yourself, knowing what you want or need, or feel lost, reach out. I may be able to help you with learning to reconnect with yourself and listen to your own inner voice.
If you want to explore more of what it might be like to be so tethered to approval from others, and to break free from it, check out the poem I wrote below.
approval
I try my best at any given moment,
Wondering if my efforts are good enough,
Waiting, waiting, waiting,
Terrified they’ll tell me I’m not enough.
Looking around for any instructions or guidelines,
Of what I should be doing,
Of what I should be saying,
Terrified of what I might be losing.
I look for it in the faces of others,
In their tone of voice,
In their body language,
In their word choice.
My search for it
Has led me on long journeys
That has left me empty handed full of my own baggage
And a craving to keep searching.
If I could just force it out of people,
Just get exactly what I want,
What I so desperately feel I falsely need,
But it feels like it’s dangling in front of me like a taunt.
Maybe if I dress in disguise,
And use my inauthentic charm,
it would be mine on my own terms,
But reality hits me like an overwhelming alarm.
I’m going about everything all wrong,
it was never mine,
When to me it never belonged.
it is only given by others,
Based on their own needs,
it has always been about them,
And never really about me.
So now what?
I turn down the volume of it all,
And hear ringing cut through the silence,
What is that trying to answer the call?
I scramble through heaps and piles
Of things I don’t really need,
Dust off the source of the sound,
It’s so weak from the lack of letting It breathe.
I hold It in my hand,
So fragile and broken down,
From the weight of all that
I allowed to be placed all around.
I stare at It trying to figure out,
How to nurture something I was never taught,
Why am I so good at giving It away,
When with me is where It should really stay?
I begin to unwrap It,
And catch myself before I give It to someone else,
It, is the gift of love and worth,
That I deserve to give to myself.
As It grows stronger in me,
it loses the hold and power,
And just lets me be,
Lets me be free - free to be me.
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